21st birthdays are interesting when studying abroad in a country that has a legal drinking age of 18. It doesn’t really feel… special at all. Just another birthday for the books. My birthday just sort of came and went. Since it was on a Saturday, the majority of my friends were out of town traveling. Some on school trips, some off galavanting across Europe. In a town as small as Aix, it was slim pickings as to what to do for my birthday.
I honestly don’t remember what I did that morning. I remember not sleeping well, like always. It’s been worse since getting back from London, which makes no sense, and as I sit here writing this at midnight, I don’t see it getting better any time soon. I did get a tattoo later on in the morning: my first one.
It honestly didn’t hurt that much, but it’s healing kinda wonky. I’m taking care of it as I’m supposed to, so I’m just gonna chalk it up to my skin being sensitive.
Aside from food, the only other thing I actually did on my birthday was attempt to go bowling. I say attempt because when my friends and I got to the bowling alley, it was packed and booked through midnight. Jokes on me I guess for not making a reservation. But in my defense, their website is impossible to navigate. So needless to say, we did not go bowling and ended up just going to a bar. It was fine in the end, with plenty of memes spread and tinder profiles swiped. Though it was small, it was a nice way to end my night. I know if I was back in the states I would have gone out to dinner with 7 or 8 of my friends and it would have been a lot.
That Sunday was sort of a continuation of the previous day, getting Indian food for lunch (which was delicious) and seeing Black Panther in theaters. I couldn’t help but laugh when the French subtitles appeared on screen. I don’t know what I was expecting since the movie was in English, but apparently not that.
A few days later, my friend Ash and I had a bigger group of friends out for drinks as a joint belated birthday party. His birthday was during Fall Break so everyone really was gone. It was interesting trying to find a bar that wasn’t packed shoulder to shoulder with bundled up men and the occasional woman huddled over a singular tv. It was the first France game of the World Cup that night. Interesting to watch. Not the game, but the people watching the game.
Between my birthday and Thanksgiving happening a few days later, it really sunk in how lonely I feel. Study abroad, as fun as it is, is an isolating and lonely experience. It doesn’t matter how many friends you make or how busy you keep yourself: that feeling of loneliness will never go away. Especially with big milestones or holidays. You’re by yourself in a foreign country, away from everyone who you rely on for comfort and safety. Traditions are broken. Events are missed. I know I’ve had this feeling all semester of not being able to do anything for my myriad of clubs back home. Of hopelessness.
Studying abroad is a totally worthwhile activity and I recommend it completely! I’ve had experiences here I’d never be able to do and met people I’d never meet otherwise, but it is a really mentally taxing activity. I think, now hitting the 3 month mark, I’m ready to come home.
Felicity